It has been quite some time now that she felt the way she used to, not knowing whether it was a good sign or not.Signs, oh signs! they have misguided her a lot uptil now.The melodies of her laughs felt like a distant memory, although she has learnt to fake laughters and mild smiles naturally nowadays.You would say “that definitely isn’t a good sign!”.Well somewhere she also knows that and has already tried to cope up with all such signs in her head.Now you would say she is depressed, I’d say she is shattered with everything that hasn’t been right.This continuous cycle of “why me’s” has got her afraid , afraid that this cycle is gonna continue.Afraid before trying to catch up her dreams which seem to fly farther away from her.She had worked, she had sacrificed, she had loved, she had given her best into so many of things and people.
Times have changed, people too.Group of students running around in college, bunking classes have turned into collared professionals.Amidst all the changes some things remained the same.She had something for him , something which was significant enough.Yes, she had a lot to do at this stage of her life.She had to become financially independent, had to buy a lot many things for her parents, had to figure out the next steps,blah and much more blah!It was also the time when people had prepared a whole list of to do’s for her.”You have grown to be such a good lady, it is time we start finding the groom!” to “You should be home early, the late night fun isn’t for us girls you know.”Arghhh!! Why do people have to intervene! , she thought.With a mindset quite revolutionary for the society and believes of being independent , she found herself in an ironical pothole.She had loved him, loved him beyond her imagination.It was quite a disbelief for everyone when she got a no.They were perfect and they looked nothing less of a happily ever after!She accepted it, after all she had to blend her tears and weaknesses in the beliefs she had.She went on, carrying her love with a hope that eventually it would fade ,just as she was told-“Give yourself some time,it’ll heal!”
The beginnings were tough, oh god damn tough!It was so because it didn’t look like a no, even if it was.Sometimes she felt , she was being used for the way she felt for him.Whereas, sometimes he was no less than angel to her.She still clinged onto the rope of hope, only to get disappointed in the end.It was not easy to compromise her friendship for all what they had.It took months , after long sessions from friends, and after facing heartbreaking betrayal, to realize they weren’t meant to be.But still something lingered in the remains of her heart,something silent yet violent.This was not just love but love adulterated with fear,insecurity,disappointment.This ultimately led to the present ‘she’.At times she felt she wouldn’t love or trust someone ever, while sometimes she realised that she might but not completely though.The amalgamation of these vivid feelings and other responsibilities fell upon her all at once, and thus she is numb to anything now.She tries to focus just on the things that are important for her career but her heart pops up sometimes.
“It has been years now!What have you done to yourself?”,I asked her over a cup of coffee, when she tried to fool me with one of her fake smiles.She smiled once again.
“After all this time…?”
Damn! She knew I was a Harry Potter fan!